Hrm..Apparently I've got nothing to do now..
Even I finally get to online here, but I duno what to do..
I guess most of you know that I'm not in Penang now
K..for those that do not know, I'm in KL right now
But I'm gonna be back soon
Just drop a blog from KL ba since I got nothing to do
Ignore this blog if u r busy
Cz it is jz something which is not significant at all
Hrm..write about how I FEEL now la
The feeling since I online..
In my messenger I got loads of people who are online, but I dont know who to chat with
Sometimes I dont understand why and how have I added so many people in my list
I have more than 200 ppl in my list..(If u have more, that's normal i guess..but it's just weird on my side..I'm not famous n I dont have a good chatterbox character)
There's some that I dont even know who they are and I've never chat with them before at all
Usually when I online, I only chat with a few friends who happens to be the same everytime..
I'm really afraid what if one day we are running out of topics
Well, i guess it's slowly happening now..
It's not that I don't wanna chat with the rest..
Some might be busy with their stuffs(assignment, exam, love, etc);
Sadly, some doesn't online so often or maybe we online at different times;
Though some is online 24/7, but it's just like we're not connected somehow..
"Mm ngam key" in cantonese
We need to be like having the mutual interest in certain field or perhaps same level of mindset or share certain same experience or anything..as long as is something that's connected..some invisible bonding appears naturally..If not, we can hardly understand or have the picture in mind of what the other party is talking about and most importantly is the attention that can catch us..
It's not easy to build up a topic as well..it requires the intention of both people to chat between themselves..if one person wanna chat and the other one doesnt feel like to chat with that person, then the chat will jz end somewhere sometime somehow
There are times that we will share different experiences with our friends..
For example like those went to overseas or anywhere out of penang or even different colleges or schools for studies..
We'll hope to know more about their life and how have they been
But this will only happen to those we used to be close together
As time goes by, the close relationships will slowly fade away proportional to distance..
Sigh..I dont want this to happen..But how to stop it?
It's still better now as we can still meet with some friends who are studying at different places once in a few weeks, months or year..
But nobody knows what will happen in the future..
It's harder n harder to get everyone together..
I hate this feeling..
I hate separation..
and most of all..I hate to be alone
When I came across boey's blog, I have kinda same feelings as hers..
I dont feel belonging to any group..
I dont have my very own companions or buddies to share everything..
Since I'm back to single, I really cant adapt to it..
I'm so used to rely on him..in everything..
When things happen, I'll only have him on my mind..
I still cannot get rid of the feeling..
When there's love, everything seems to be beautiful and wonderful..
and when there's not, things just change without my notice..
I'm really glad that boey can get a take two in her journey..
That's something I dearly hope for..
In life, it's not everything that u can achieve although u tried very hard..
Time factor is the only medicine now..is it?
All in all..
I feel so LONELY..
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7 comments:
hello!
u living at yr relative's house? so syok still can online..
and i heard that you're going to aussie next week or so right? *envious*
i love travelling but don't get to travel much.. and you're going to one of ma favourite countries..hehe :)
right, back to yr topic..
i think it's the same case for everyone(almost) la..me too.. i also have 200++ ppl in my messenger but usually when i go online i just chat with few ppl and they are ALWAYS the same ppl!! yeah.. we're similar haha..and they're the ppl whom i get to see everyday(collegemates)so when ppl say "oh let's keep-in-touch" thru MSN.. i dun think it can work.. as we go seperate ways, it will form a gap between us and we might not be so close anymore and he/she might not feel comfortable spilling everything to us.. or have the patience to do so..
and i'm usually the "passive" type of person, i don't find ppl to chat.. usually ppl say "hi" to me first then only i will reply..cuz usually when u say "hi" to ppl the other party wille expect u to start the topic or find some topics to chat to keep the conversations flowing.. but i can't.. i need someone to start talk smth to me..
and yeah, i have the same lonely feeling too, expecially when u go online and there're hundreds of ppl on yr list but nobody's willing to chat with u..so sometimes i prefer to appear offline..and now appear offline also can chat right.. so not much difference la..
it's contradicting that when we go out we seem to have one big group of friends around us.. we have friends from primary sch, high sch, and college.. but the ppl whom we can share our personal stuffs are just 1 or 2..it's so rare that once we have them we must really appreciate them..
like linnar and kwan-lyn they're seperated by distance but they're still so close now..
yeah i agree when you're attached you tend to depend a lot on yr other half..and when u break up, u suddenly feel very lost as you have noone to rely to or vent yr loneliness and frustrations to..
so i think i should insist on being single.. cuz being single can cultivate independence lol.. that's my weird theory..:P
oh ya, when will u be back from aussie?
guess the same thing applies for everyone....
lots of ppl in the list, but not many to chat to....
CY:
Yea..I stay at my aunt's house. Her line a bit sot sot one, duno why so hard to get online. I'll be going on 29th n gonna be back either at the 7th of dec or 10th, still havent confirm..
At least the course u r taking is diploma in business..So u still will have one year or two staying with them. While mine, we are for sure goin to separate ways from now on, unless we get into the same uni, study the same course which is mostly impossible.
N so we gonna get new friends. Need to start everything from scratch. I seriously dont like this kind of feeling.
But this is life. Cannot just only stay with the same circle of friends for life. I understand it. But I still dont like it. I simply dont like separation.
Hey...my comp is down, i'm now at Bee Lee's house using her comp...
Tho BLee n I hv different dreams, different friends now, we still frequently meet up and call each other...like even now, I'll juz call her up to ask her whether I can use her comp, instead of maybe asking you who is nearer to my place...yea, and truela, we must appreciate this kind of friendship...=)
I don't agree with the distance thing...I wasn't that close to K-Lyn b4 she went to NZ...but after that, I realise the importance of that friendship, and started contacting her more...chat with her in MSN, and sometimes msging thru friendster. Ya know... distance makes a heart grow fonder...=) Remember Yivonn fr HSC last time? We email each other to keep in contact...I initiated the emailing, just random chats and crapz..but in the end, who cares who start the convo?
Ya know YM, with all our reports and all last time, I chatted on MSN less, always appearing o0ffline. When I'm online, and initiate the convo, ppl will ask: Yes? what do you want?
Aha, it's just that bad for me. *Shrugz* Now I'm trying to get that bonding bac..hehe
Yea...separation is hard...I guess the hardest thing is to leave our sense of belonging, a feeling that we are needed by people. The comfortable state that we are in now, in Pg..
I love being single...Top reasons why we should remain single now:
1. Lotza freedom
2. Don't need to worry if the other half is unhappy abt our actions
3. Get to look at hot hunky guys w/o feeling guilty
4. Get other guys to stare at you and feel proud abt it =)
Juz craps la...but being single is good eh...sometimes love = trouble..
and as Cher said before, to all those who are in love, Amen =)
Tho, I may say, it does get lonely at times..but all those good things abt being single now sure beats hving another half now! (yea, c'mon, single gals, agree with me =P)
YM, I live so close to your place...just call me up la, gals should have fun together, haha
Aihz..Jz now typed something very long..
N my mum accidentally closed the main switch..
Whole pc kena restart..
forgotten what have i typed d..sobz..
Something about I dont agree with what PQ said..
Let me recall..
K..Is hard for me to agree with your opinion..
Cz i dont have a companion like u have right now--Bee Lee..
N I dont have a sociable character like you do..U can blend easily with people..
But I guess I jz have to try la..
What i say about distance may fade the friendship is just what usually occur la..
Like Cheryl..In her college, she cant online that much..N the school simply blocks every website, including hotmail..So stupid..So hard to get to know about her..N cant meet her online easily too..slowly..slowly..the bond is getting further n further away..
Lin Nar n Kwan-lyn, Min Zhao n Rhian..I'm really admire about this two pairs of best pals..They've been best friends since primary until now..*Applause*
About relationship thingy..
I still think that being attached is somehow better than single..
1. Somehow too much freedom is equal to boredom. I guess all this need communication. U can get the freedom u want even when u r attached.
2. We actually learn to be more caring and think about consequences before we act. But when u r involved in it, u tend to think that it's better to not get involved. It's actually part of being a couple..to care and tolerate with one another..
3. This is cheeky. Actually we can see hot guys whenever we want la since the guys also always kap leng lui one. We have the equal rights. So we dont have to feel guilty about it. Moreover, there arent many leng zai around la.=P
4. I wont feel proud with this la. I will feel uneasy instead. If someone were to stare about me, it wont happen because of something good.
Well, living a life is actually already a trouble la. Problems wont only be found in love. It is just something we have to go through in life.
Maybe I am not that independent person. Once I found someone reliable or dependable, I feel hard to live on my own. That's why i dont see the darkness of love so clearly.
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